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What to say…
Obviously, as I haven’t posted in a week! Just kinda getting through each day, putting one foot in front of the other. Went to Stormville flea market last weekend, it was great as usual but ohmigod, the traffic getting there was unreal. I picked up a nice topiary made from rosemary, so as it grows and I trim it, I can cook with the trimmings, kinda neat. This isn’t the greatest pic, but it’s on the table between the jade and the easter lily. Also, Debra gave me a realy nice spider plant, and here it is in it’s temporary home above the microwave. And I picked up a new set of sheets for my bed and a couple new pillows. I think that makes eight pillows in my bed now, Gray cat told me that it’s juuust right! The best purchase was a set of wind chimes, I always liked them, just never took the time to appreciate them. I guess hanging in Debra and Alan’s yard last week got me thinking how I like wind chimes and spider plants, so thanks you two! Now when the wind blows just right it’s like music drifts in my window!
So the lawn is all grown in and green as can be, it’s really nice, and I’m a bit surprised it worked so well. I don’t know if you’ve ever tried to even spot seed small areas, but grass is a pain to grow. So imagine I planted the whole yard, I was sure it wasn’t gonna work! PLEASE look at these old pics, when it looked like a mine field, and you will appreciate the change! Here’s the view from the road, and here’s below the pool, notice that huge pile of debris and rocks is gone? Nice, huh? There are patches that are thin and you still see the hay from planting, but it’s getting there… But here’s the view when I walk out the door now, quite an improvement!
And I took the cover off the pool yesterday, hoping the rain we’re supposed to get will help finish filling it so I don’t have to run my well dry topping it off. Yup, it’s almost summer when I start dreading having to keep that pool going. Though I have to say I take a certain pride in keeping it sparkling and cyrstal clear, it makes me feel good. I just wish it got more use, so if’n you ever wanna come over and take a dip, feel free. Really, just gimme a heads up so I can let Sam know.
The cottage you ask? Well, I primed the front, but there’s a lot of cleanup to do around it as you can see. George finally finished laying all the ceramic tile. It came out REALLY nice. Here’s a shot of the kitchen floor. I know in the picture it looks crooked and bumpy and stuff, but it is straight as an arrow and level, it’s just all hazed over with dust, needs 4 or 5 good moppings is all. And here’s the bathroom tiles, they are cool, I love the retro pattern! Now if I just had the money to finish it and rent it out, it would help out immensely until I can get back on my feet. To get this close and then run out of money just a couple thousand short of finishing it is a real bummer!
And on the personal front, Grace and I were having a lot of mini-tiffs, but we have been talking about stuff and what’s going on with us and how we react and deal with things (or how we play old scripts and how we can change that) and we’re doing fine now and happy to have each other. Hugo is up fromn Florida visiting my Mom so it’ll be nice to see him around again.
OK, I need to go work on the pool before it starts raining, sorry I haven’t posted in so long.
In fact, so much so I’m not even in the mood to post about it. Still digesting it all. I guess I’ll tell the whole story tomorrow when I’m a bit more rested. Uh, now that I think about it, writing is somewhat cathartic, so I’ll tell you a little.
OK, so Saturday morning I am going down to see my youngest son play baseball. Now since my oldest was supposed to spend this weekend with his Mom, we (my Mom went to see the game too) took him down and all went in one car. I had planned to have my girlfriend pick me up about half way through the game and give me a ride home. Our thinking was we’d have the house to ourselves and be able to just lay around in bed and maybe cook some dinner and have a relaxing evening with no distractions or having to be a car service to Sam or stuff like that.
So about fifteen minutes into the game, the party hereafter known as “the ex” shows up, drops off Maggie (my oldest daughter) and explains she can’t take Sam for the weekend, she has no groceries, her bank account is screwed up and her paycheck never got deposited and she’s all distraught. And can my Mom just drop Danny and Maggie back at her place after the game, then she leaves. Now I’m looking at Sam and I feel bad for the kid. I know he likes to stay up here and hang with his friends, but he also needs his Mom and it’s a bummer to have everything change unexpectedly at the last minute, right? And now I’m feeling bad as they have no food, but a part of me is like, shit, I haven’t went grocery shopping in over a month, I’m out of work and we live in spaghetti, slices of pizza, and dollar menu cheeseburgers most nights.
Grace picks me up and I tell her what happened and she’s concerned and says why don’t we buy some groceries and drop them off. I said no, who knows what kind of stuff to get, etc. But I did go to cash my unemployment check, and I called and asked if she wanted me to drop off a hundred bucks so she could buy some groceries, but she said, no, don’t bother. I’m not going to press the issue, hey I offered and it was all I could do in my situation.
So we eat some spaghetti (again with the cheapest belly filler there is, but it’s good!) and then we head up to my house to chill out. Well, when we get home I expected Sam to be here, but we walk in the door and I see a baseball glove on the kitchen table! Uh oh… And I hear voices coming from the computer room, one of them is Maggie’s. So we walk in and there is Sam, Maggie and Danny. Turns out my Mom took it upon herself to invite Maggie and Danny up to spend the night at her place. OK, not a big deal usually, just a little bit of a surprise, but there’s more to this.
So Grace has never met my younger kids that live with their Mom. We talked about it but in the begining decided it was best to wait and not introduce them, as who knew if our relationship would grow and last, etc. Then Grace got sick over the winter and it’s been a long and arduous struggle back to wellness for her so we didn’t even consider it. We did talk about maybe hanging out with Maggie a couple months ago, but then I lost my job, things got hectic, and we never really talked about it after that. I figured Maggie was the best one to meet first though, she’s vary mature, funny and insightful and a really great kid. Danny is only 9 and all boy, and also I thought he may have some confused feelings and stuff so I wasn’t so sure about him. And Sarah is a sweetheart and all, but again I worry about her being overly sensitive and stuff.
Anyway, it wasn’t how we would want it, but she met them and all seemed to go well. We were all a little nervous I think, but we made small talk and chit chatted about this or that. Then the kids were over at my Mom’s playing baseball in her driveway and I was watering the grass seed and puttering around the yard with Grace. My mom came out and proceeded to get on Sam’s case as they lost three baseballs and she was blaming Sam for it all like ususal, so again as ususal I had to get in the middle and play peacekeeper and stick up for Sam. See all the fun I have?
Then I wanted the kids to see The Matrix Reloaded, so we took them to the mall and I bought hem the tickets (it’s an R flick, I dunno why) and went up to the food court to see if they wanted to eat. Grace was worried maybe they wouldn’t let them in, so she suggested we wait and make sure it went smoothly… Good call on her part, I walked them up and the ticket taker wouldn’t let them in if I wasn’t going also. Well, I was kinda resigned to just giving in and figured, how we gonna change his mind. But Grace asked to speak to the manager and I must say, she surprised me with how smooth she was, very persuasive, and unrelenting, until the manager gave in and walked them to the entrance, ripped their tickets in half, gave them the stubs and let them in!! So they got to see it, cool. G went home when the movie was over, and I went to pick them up, stopped at Carvel and got them all ice cream.
All in all I guess not a bad weekend. Oh yeah, I am amazed at how good the lawn is coming in! I’m more surprised then anyone, believe me, it’s not that easy to grow new grass. OK, I’m tired, gonna go crash. Sorry if this post was long and boring and made no sense, just kinda rambling ’bout whatever…
Damn !! Went to see it last night, it was un-friggin’-believeable. Neo is badder then bad nowadays, and a lot more Trinity in this one, and the car/bike chase scene, it’s, well, you gotta see it. See this movie !
K, happy Friday
Damn,
The counter has been stuck at 498 since last night. Be nice to have two more unique visitors here, seeing it hit 500 in a couple short months will be somewhat gratifying (jeez, what does that say about my life?) and also, as usual, nobody ever clicks on the guest map and puts a pin on the country/state they’re from. I know I get hits from Italy and the UK, would be neat to see them on the map (blatant hint thank you).
K, tired, up too late, gonna take a cranky nap
-ciao
OK,
If you have been a long time (well, long in this weblogs life) reader, you may remember the interpretation of Moore’s Third Law I presented a ways back. The one for socially retarded people like myself- “Any sufficiently nice person is indistinguishable from someone who likes me”. I was referring of course, to those people who are so genuinely nice and responsive to you, that, well, you wonder if you’re reading the signals right. Are they just a friendly and nice person who finds me likable, or do they maybe find me really likable? That can and will drive a good man (or woman) nuts at times.
Being more human then I’d like most days, I have suffered from that, as most who are able to be honest with themselves have. Now what we do with it is another matter… Hmmm, perceptive readers will start to realize I’m talking about Lima Bean girl. And readers who have a good memory will also realize that I never shared the outcome, did I try and get to know her, did I realize I’m out of my mind and there’s no chance, or that she was just really nice and friendly, and that I must be crazy to even think…
Hmmm, so you say inquiring minds want to know, eh? OK, I’ll safely tread this tightrope, and all the names will be changed to protect the innocent. Wait, no such thing as an innocent person in my circles, but you should know by now we don’t do names when it gets too real.
In a nutshell, I was close to the point of seeing if there was a possibility. But I did the smart thing and first consulted my, lets call him, spiritual advisor. Someone who has been down the path before and whose suggestions I almost always follow, and when I don’t I usually pay for it afterwards. I told him what I was wondering, and he knows Lima Bean girl also, so I figured he wouldn’t steer me wrong. He basically told me to leave it alone. He said there may be unfinished stuff going on there and best bet was just stay away. Well I heeded his advice, although I must say even to this day sometimes if I sit next to her I can feel my temperature go up 15 degrees and I may start to sweat, so easiest thing is don’t sit near her and hope nobody notices, right? Anyway, he gave me his advice, and actually a couple weeks later, my ex-girlfriend sent me an email, she had disappeared into thin air. We met, we talked, she explained where she was and why she had to remove herself, and well, if you haven’t guessed, she’s not my ex any more.
But sometimes I wonder. And I’m human too, so when I see her and she laughs, and I see how her eyes are so alive with feeling, and how animated she can be, I know she has a beautiful soul and is one of us, one of those who live today the best we can, for we’re grateful we have right now, and we remember that. But I’m waxing poetic now, aren’t I? Let’s be real, I don’t even know her, I see her around now and then, she seems like a good person, and I’m sure if I ever got to know her she’s wonderful, but lets assume we won’t ever know and just leave it at that.
And I’ll just cover my ass by saying, if you think you know what the f**k I’m talking about, you’re wrong, that’s all there is to it. Although it does make me think of a book, or novella, I read many years ago, by Goethe, called “The Sorrows Of Young Werther” it has in fact been made available online by the Gutenberg Project, if you would like to read it you may, it’s not long, and it’s available here for your enlightenment. Goethe was quite remarkable, and considered a “Universal Genius”.
A Universal Genius you may ask, what is that? Well it is considered to be an unmeasurable genius. Goethe, who you may know as “just a writer and poet” was in fact also a model for Nietzsche’s overman, and his adult IQ is estimated at around 210. I never hear people discuss him much, can’t remember the last time I heard someone say they had just read him. But if you read the little novella in the link I just gave above, you will indeed be surprised at the depth of emotion he touched upon.
In any case, it’s getting late and I have to wake up and make sure Sam gets up for the bus in the morning, so I’ll call it a night. I’ll also say that I have little grass seedlings sprouting under the hay, so maybe I’ll have a lawn again soon! Yay ! And I’ll also say this as well. My heart is taken, and I am indeed happy for the first time in many years, but it was nice to see L.B.G. and to wonder, and to just be content in knowing I don’t know.
With that, I’m outta here folks, y’all have a good one and I hope I said plenty without saying much…
g’nite
I haven’t been updating. I was busy with getting the lawn seeded and stuff. Now I’m not busy, but I’m starting to get bummed. Trying to stay in the positive, but it’s not always easy. There are like, no jobs out there in my field. And if I change careers and start all over doing something else, I won’t be able to survive and pay my bills on that income. So what’s a really good Solaris sysadmin to do? I dunno. Hell I’d even be a linux sysadmin if I had to! OK, Alan asked me if I’d like to go to lunch, so I’m gonna meet him down in Ossining, have to run, I’ll post more later, promise.
Maybe it’s my imagination, but I think I saw some grass seedlings out in front when I was putting the garbage out this morning! Wow, it will be so nice to have a lawn again someday soon. I drive around and everywhere the houses have lush green lawns. And I have had dirt and ruts and piles of gravel and rocks for the last six months… But any day now, my new lawn will be sprouting like crazy!!
I’m even excited about the weather report. We’re supposed to have short daily showers for four days in a row starting tomorrow. Perfect for establishing my new lawn! See, I really can’t water the grass as it runs the well dry if you run the hose for a long time, so I was really concerned about how I was gonna keep the soil moistened.
I know, I know. Boring stuff. But if you put all the effort I have into grading it all and removing all the rocks and field stones and raking and fertilizing and seeding and then topping with hay and hoping for rain, you’d be all concerned about the weather and how your grass seed was doing too. I’ll take some pictures later of the yard so y’all can see how the trees are all budding and coming alive and how it’s starting to shape up, K ? Now I have to go and pick up a couple laborers to work on my Mom’s yard. I’ll keep ya’ posted on the green scene.
Oh yeah, you did pick up a Mom’s day card and present for your dear old mum, right?
Hay, not hey, that is. That’s what was in my pockets, my hair, everywhere yesterday, I was like a scarecrow! I finally got the front and very front yards raked out and smooth and ready for seed. So I spread some fertilizer, some grass seed, and covered it with hay. It rained last night and is on and off drizzling today, so hopefully in a couple weeks I’ll have baby grass for a lawn. Anything but dirt and I’ll be happy.
And the electricity is on in the cottage ! Hurray ! It’s kinda neat to be able to flip a switch and lights come on, after so long. George is coming this afternoon to start laying the rest of the tiles, so it’s getting there. Last week I primed the front of it also, so it looks nice and clean and white… All I have to do now is figure out how to come up with a couple thousand dollars to finish it and it should be real nice! Once the tiles are done I’ll get some new pics of it all and post them, K?
So last 4-5 days has been all outside work, grading the yard, trying to get it looking half-way decent. Yesterday and today I have a few laborers next door at my Mom’s house (oh, you didn’t know my Mom bought the house next door about five years ago? it’s a blessing and a curse at times…) grading her backyard and moving boulders and getting it ready to be seeded and do some landscaping there too. She had the same backhoe operator as me there destroying her yard last year. So little by little things are shaping up. I still have no job, no money, and no prospects. But I have a good outlook, I have loving people in my life, and I’m lucky enough to have 4 great kids who I miss. That’s a hint if you read this, Maggie, that I haven’t seen you in awhile…
My son Sam who lives with me has a girlfriend! For a few weeks now. It’s weird, like, he is growing up, I must be getting old. But I can still hang pretty good, and feel better then when I was 30, so I’m not complaining. I went to Rich’s wake last night. man, he looked horrible, didn’t even look like him. His wife looked like she was holding on. I can’t help but think about their two kids though. I mean, the youngest one won’t even have any memories of her father, that’s really sad. And I look at his life, he had it all, a beautiful and very successful wife, two kids, a big luxury home, money, all the things people dream of. But it couldn’t fill the hole inside, it couldn’t take away the pain, only the drugs could, or at least you think they do when you’re caught up in the life. But meanwhile all they do is take away your ability to feel and make you exist, not really living, just surviving. I dunno, we went to the diner last night and were talking, five people I know died in the last six months, that’s five people too many. Two OD’s, one heart attack, one liver failed, one from the virus. At least some of them died clean and happy I guess.
Shit, this is kinda getting me bummed out first thing in the morning and all. It’s a gray dreary and wet day out, it’s too easy to become morbid and start thinking negative. I have to run a couple new water lines at my Mom’s house and tie them in so she has hose-bibs outside, I guess I’ll change and go do that to keep myself busy. I talked to Grace this morning and she was maybe going in, maybe gonna fall back asleep. She said she’d call me in an hour, and she hasn’t, so that means she fell back asleep. I guess I’ll let her sleep and if she’s in the mood (no not that mood, we’re always in that one) she’ll come up later and we’ll cook up some grub and chow down. I made chicken stock from the chickens we roasted this weekend (they were delicious by the way, stuff with a whole lemon and fresh thyme, rub with olive oil, salt and pepper and shove in the oven) so I’m thinking of making some “green rice”. What’s that you ask? That’s when you sautee up a cup each of chopped spinach, parsley, and scallions in some olive oil. Then you add two cups of rice and heat until translucent. Then you add the appropriate amount of chicken stock (depending on how you like your rice) and cook until done. Fluff it up with a fork, and crumble up some feta cheese on top, or just squeeze fresh lemon on it , and enjoy!
OK, you got two cooking ideas, heard about the progress around the old homestead here, and also had a mini-discourse on why drug addiction is bad. So I guess I can safely say I’ve said more enough and I’ll go start my day…
Shit, last night I was doing my usual bed-time conversation with G, I was tired, told her goodnight and hung up, rolled over and went to sleep. A half hour later, the phone rings again, and wakes me up. This is a little after midnight and I’m exhausted, but I thought maybe she had a bad dream so I answer it…
It’s my friend Danny calling to tell me that Blockbuster Rich is dead. They found him in a room up at the Mohegan Sun casino. They don’t know what happened, but they found drugs in the room, so it will probably end up being another OD. I know he checked himself into a facility for depression a couple weeks ago, but he just left on his own accord this week. Then one day his wife came home and his bags were packed and he was gone… She had been talking to Danny worried about him, wondering if anyone had heard from him.
It’s kinda freaky, but when Danny told me yesterday he was misssing, the first thing I said was “he’s probably in a casino hotel room with money and drugs spread all over the bed”. And then he calls and tells me someting almost just like that, but now he’s dead. Damn, another one, the longer you stay clean the more people you see die. Or maybe now I just notice it, before I didn’t really want to know. In any case, we’ll miss him, and God bless his wife and his two small children. I can remember so many times talking to him, bullshitting at the diner, and I can remember his laugh and his smile like it was yesterday, even though he hasn’t really been around much this last year or so.
Shit, this is just getting me bummed out, I’m gonna go call Danny and see how he’s taking it. He was real close to him and was trying to help him get straightened out this time around, so he’s pretty upset about it. K, I’ll write more later I guess. If you believe, please say a prayer for his family.
Thanks
Hmmm, you must be saying, interesting title today. Well I’m not talking about the two legged type of vermin, so it’s kinda yucky! You may not know, but I have two cats, Gray cat and Max. Gray cat has been a fixture here for years, I sorta inherited her and she’s grown on me. She sleeps with me most nights if she’s in the house. Max on the other hand, I just got last summer and he can be a bit annoying at times…
Anyway, Gray is a real killer, she kills baby chipmunks, mice, moles, whatever she can get her paws on (or into I should say). And I know it’s because she loves me and all, but I’m not amused to find that the thing on the carpet at the top of the stairs (yes, if the light wasn’t broken I would have seen it right off) isn’t debris of some sort, but a chipmunks head! I almost stepped on the damn thing! And I have to wonder where the rest of it is too. And, as if that’s not bad enough, there’s more. Seems like since she sleeps with me, and I guess thinks my bed is the place to be (hmmm, smart girl, huh?) she has left me “presents” in my bed before. OK, it’s one thing to find a dead mouse on your comforter, but what happened last night, freaked me out. About two in the morning I woke up suddenly, I rolled over and something made me pop up. Hmmm, must have been that dead mole that was under the covers, that my leg brushed against! Eeeewwww!!! And another time I woke in the morning to find a dead mouse all squished, like I had rolled over on it multiple times with my legs as I was asleep. See what I’m getting at? This is weirding me out, like I have to be all paranoid who knows what I’ll wake up with in my bed…
OK, now that I got that out, I’ll catch you up. Not much going on. George came over Monday night and laid the tiles in the bathroom up in the cottage, it came out really nice. Tomorrow night he’s gonna grout them and start laying the tiles in the entry hall and kitchen/dining area. So little by little. I know I wanted to have it done by the end of the month (tomorrow) but the floor situation screwed me up. If I had gotten the pergot floors like I wanted it would prolly be done by now.
So the trees are all starting to bud here, the whole place is coming alive and it looks nice. The no grass at all in the front yard thing is kinda depressing, but I should have grass seed down this weekend as long as it doesn’t rain. Today I went to Home Depot and got two more sheets of wonderboard to finish the underlay for the tiles in the kitchen up there. Grace played hookie and came up, so we just hung out in bed like slugs and half-napped all afternoon and then I cooked up some burgers for dinner. She left to do her Wednesday evening thing and I’m writing this. OK, before it gets dark, I’m heading out to pick up some junk in the yard and put those last two sheets of wonderboard down. Then I have to do laundry and I’m wiped out, so prolly go to sleep early. Nice day- enjoy what’s left of it…
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