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Man I’m tired (again)
Up waaaay too late last night and then busy today. Had lunch at Wasabi with Lissa, then met my friend Bill to go look at a job I took down in that neck of the woods. Stopped by the office for an hour to check a few things (yes, on my day off, yes I am pathetic thank you).
Then I had a few hours to kill and no clue what to do. No sense driving back home, to then have to head south in the evening. So, I was IM’ing with Maggie and asked her if she wanted to do sumthin’
She was bored too and said YES. Yeah, if you’ve been reading this thing, then you know I hung out with her a lot around the holidays. Well spending time with her tonight reminded me why again. She is a really good kid. And I’m really proud of her. She’s a great student, well adjusted, has a great outlook, and really a joy to spend time with. Can she really be my daughter? And she has a great sense of humor, sardonic/witty/insightful without being negative or seeming contrived at all. Hmmm, well I always did say she was ” `whatever age she is now`- going on 40″!
So we went to B&N over on central and checked out all the clearance books and then went to the asian market so I could do some grocery shopping. Got mass quantities of edamame, udon noodles, yard long beans, the ususal stuff. And I always get a ton of candy and cookie type stuff and drop it off at the little kids. I know, not good for them, but they have all this cool hello kitty candy and stuff you don’t see in regular markets. And I could get hooked on the melon flavored YoGlo, it’s killer good shit, not too sweet, a little touch of bitterness to it. A nice change, I don’t drink soda so I’m always up for a new soft drink to try. And we went by Julio’s and I got the Jeep washed. It was so covered with mud (that thick construction site mud that my whole yard and driveway have been comprised of since I started all the renovations here) and salt and road grime I couldn’t see anything in the mirrors even with the windows rolled down. So I guess it was a little overdue, huh?
Not much else exciting (as if any of that was). Went to my new Monday night thing, then came home. Checked my email and holy shit. Had one from someone I did not expect to be hearing from. Maybe just testing the waters, I dunno, maybe just saying Hi. But I have of course wondered how they are. Not gonna analyze or read anything into it. It is what it be and it be what it is, right? And oh yeah, believe it or not, some shit IS too personal and I don’t put it up here, so that’s about as in depth as I’m going with it here, sorry folks. Again, as if any of this shit or my day to day life is even remotely interesting to any of y’all. I just need practice typing and I like to read myself think…
K, I’m shot. 3 hours sleep last night does not a rested Steve make. Though I will say excepting this last Saturday night, I have been getting a normal amount of sleep on a regular basis. And I mean a humans normal amount of sleep, not mine. So maybe that’s why I’m so beat, gotten used to getting almost 7 hours a night lately. Damn, that’s a milestone in these parts. Guess that happens sooner or later when you get to my age! now that I’m old and all.
hehe, with that one, I’m outta here, need to crash.
-me
CYA Disclaimer
So, on the very slim chance that any of this gets read by one particular individual, don’t take any of it personal. Even if it seems that way at times, K? After all, these are indeed my half conscious any time of the day or night ramblings, right?
And I vent. And I ponder. And I go off on tangents not based in reality all the time (I do?). Mostly I need to read myself think, like I’ve said before. Maybe I need to get out more, eh?
And yeah, it doesn’t take an Einstein to know this post is aimed at you g, and no, not you gee-o. You know how I felt or feel when I was honest enough and felt safe enough to share it, so if I rant or rave here, it may be just me working through shit. Or then again it may just be shit. And yes, I can hear you saying “seek professional help” with that grin right now if I close my eyes. But I can’t type to save my life, so I leave them open.
Aaaaagggghhhhh, that’s it. I am not thinking any more. Period.
And I have a bridge for sale if you’re interested, nice view of Manhattan.
Fuck, I’m outta here before I make any more of an ass outta myself. And I, And I, And I- shut up and get back to work. Yes, that’s the idea.
well I said I’d never edit any of this stuff, what’d you expect?
One more quickie-
I changed the config on the server so “comments” should work 100% of the time now, rather then being hit or miss as in the past. But in reality nobody will use it, you’ll continue to just send them to me via email, right?
Really, say whatever you want, flames or trolls, might just liven it up a little. Maybe flames AND trolls would do the trick, yes, methinks that would get me going!
Anyone see “25th Hour” yet ? Like Ed Norton’s work, so maybe it’s worth a couple hours of my time…
Morning, kinda busy here but just remembered, I got a cool cookbook at B&N last night. 4-ingredient cooking. A bunch of recipes that sound good, and each takes, yes, you guessed it, just 4 ingredients!
I know, in this day and age, I still buy paper cookbooks. Even though I get most recipes off the net, and even though the recipe is just a starting point, not like I ever stick to the plan. Hmmm, are we talking about cooking here or more profound things? Either way, work is calling. I’ll add more drivel later!
But real quick, what about strangers who feel the need to say “cold enough for you?” when it’s in the teens outside. Does that even warrant a reply? Like, no, I like it below zero, so my breath instantly freezes the cilia in my nose when I exhale. Jeeez. Yes, it is winter in NY, it gets cold, dress accordingly.
Hey, it’s daytime out, light enough for ya’ ??
Saw Adaptation last night. Good fsckin’ movie. For a hollywood flick it was surprising. Then came home and watched a Mike Figgis film just for some perspective.
Anyway, someone was asking how come there’s no pic of me anywhere to be seen around here. OK, one concession, here’s a crappy pic o’ moi I grabbed from my web cam. Satisfied? Of course I’m much more dashing in person… Riiiiggghhhhtttt.
N-e-way, todays my day off from the ususal 9-6 gig, so I have stuff to do, have to get going. Whaddaya think, I sit around here all day in front of a computer half-naked scratching my head and wondering what to write? Well some days I do!
So, with that, I’m outta here, have errands to do, an appointment, have to grab lunch somewhere (hmm, I wonder where?) and then tonight I have to do a regular thing and then get back here and finish the second coat of mud up in the cottage.
Catch up with ya’ when I slow down a bit-
-S
Just got back from moonlight bowling. Hadn’t done that in ages (or at least since the spring, so almost a year I guess). When I was PT’ing at ‘Bucks we used to all go out after work once or twice a month and do it, fun and always good for some laughs. Just surprising how many teeny-boppers are out at one in the morning, hanging at the bowling alley. Guess there’s not much else to do in the winter around here.
So it was like a mini-starbucks reunion. Erica and Lauren and Chris and Lisa and Jim and Paul were there and I brought my boys as weekends that I have Danny I can’t very well leave him alone here with Sam. They played air hockey and bowled a game. It was a nice change from my usual come back home saturday night and work ’till one and then hang in front of this screen for another hour or so and then crash.
Did my usual saturday evening thing earlier with Todd. Damn, number ten lima bean girl was there. So I know all the shite runs me this way and that, and I just figure play it safe and leave it be. But a guy can’t help but wonder. Todd’s cool so I tell him I have this like, crush/attraction kinda thing. And then I can list the 3 million reasons why not to, I have a ton of baggage (or literally four, 2 boys and 2 girls) and I’m old now, right?, and so on and on and on. And I can laugh at myself and he can chuckle too and then I remember it feels good to have someone you can just talk to about anything and not feel like “oh shit, I’m fscked up” or more to the point, nice to have somoene who knows you and accepts you for your f’ed up parts as well as your kinda OK ones.
So that brings me to the other thing. Which is, I am outta the slump I have been in. At last. I’m not glowing as much as I do at times. But I have noticed that people are breaking out in spontaneous smiles around me much more often, those real big makes your whole face radiate good vibes kind of smiles. My smiles themsleves are extra contagious lately and once more I’m feeling good about the world and where I’m at in it. And I truly do believe that’s attractive and makes people feel good as well. Funny how it takes so little to make people forget their troubles for a moment, just a kind look and a caring word. Which remnds me a friend of mine told me recently that I had kind eyes. Damn, I don’t think anyone ever told me that before. I have been accused of having psycho eyes, looks that kill eyes, anything but kind ones. You know who you are man and thanks again…
The other thing I realized, and this is somewhat of a shock. Recently I grabbed a bite with this person. Seen them around casually same places last couple years, exchange a few words now and then, After spending about an hour with them, I come to the conclusion they’re kind of immature. What ? Me thinking that? So I arrive at this, the shocking but undeniable truth. I’m a grown up.
Shit, I mean, I’ve had all the trappings of being a grown up before. Had a wife and an unhappy family once, still have a house and all the headaches and responsibilities that go with that. Had super stressful and taxing jobs and had all kinds of stuff that grown ups are supposed to have. But I never thought like one or considered myself one. And I still may be at times too spontaneous, not cautious enough when I should be, and of course I often find myself saying “damn, I shoulda known that wasn’t the wisest choice, but it seemed like the win-win one at the time”. But now I see that indeed, though I can be irresponsible, but not to excess like I had my whole life previously, I am somewhat growed up. I guess better late then never!
But the good part is I still have fun, I will always have that child like awe and excitement for the simple yet amazing things that make life a trip. I still can giggle and laugh at stupid stuff or better yet at my stupidity. And I still love to lay in a field and look up at the sky and scrunch the grass under my toes with bare feet and just close my eyes and feel alive.
And what I’d really like to do now is close my eyes and go to sleep ! So tired I’m gonna start making tons more then usual typos. So, before I make less sense then usual, I’m gonna go crash. And I’m not gonna think about number ten lima beans and then tomorrow comes and it (which of course we all know is she, not at all an it) is out of my mind and I’m cool until the next time. Aaaaggghhhh, leave it alone, right? Just say yes, leave it alone. Thank you.
K, before I talk to myself anymore, I know fo sho’ it be time to sleep.
‘nite all
Oh yeah, going to go see “Adaptation” tomorrow. Wanting to see that since way before it was out, glad I’m catching it while it’s still playing. Oh, did I say I was gonna talk politics? Maybe tomorrow if I’m not too shot. Alright, nite for real now…
One quickie
Check out “Banco de Gaia”
Great sound, here’s their site
Welcome to weblog entry number 3,429 for the week… K, not really, but sometimes it feels that way.
What’s been going on, ahh, nuthin’ special. The news is I was this close, yup, that close, to quitting smoking. Have a couple boxes of them there nicotine patches, even quit for a couple days, then I modified the program a little… I was not smoking from when I awoke until I got home at night. So from maybe 6:30 or 7 I didn’t smoke until usually 9 that night, it wasn’t a bad idea, right ?
Then I say what the hell, why not have one or two in the morning with my coffee? Then while driving to work, then it’s only a matter of saying- why not just smoke regularly? Well I did and I am.
I guess the main issue I have (hehe, with quitting that is) is am I doing it for the right reasons ? What are my motives, etc. And really, I don’t think I’m coming from the right place at this moment in regards to said. And I can’t help but agree with the quote I read once (and no, I’m not saying who the source was) along the lines of “the most interesting people at the dinner table are always smokers”. Wow, I opened myself up for some serious negative feedback there I bet.
Damn, just started my day and my mind is fried, it’s been one of those weeks at work. With that, let me get back to work. Tonight I’ll be up half the night sanding and taping the second coat in the cottage, but I’ll update here as I have some cool links and also want to just touch briefly on some international politics, alright?
back to work, have a good Friday-
Hey,
‘Nother one gone. You’re in the same places as me, you know Jimmy passed away yesterday… I wasn’t really close to him, saw him around, always cracked a smile at his comments. Loved his outlook on life and his message, he was real. Kinda like a generation up from me, but all the people in his circle are dealing with it. What other choice do we have?
Shit, was on the phone last night with little Steve and we were going over all the people we’ve lost to “the lifestyle” to put it nicely. I guess after awhile you kinda get used to it, not numb, and it’s not easier, you just accept it. There’s only a few of us left from the core 15 or twenty from the old days. So we’re fortunate, I need to remember that when I start thinking like it’s too heavy, what I carry, at times. At least I’m alive to feel the weight, and when it passes I can soar again, free and just livin’ life today, making the most of this moment and taking it all in, still in awe and excited about it, after all the lifetimes I’ve lived in just this one… Damn, I guess I’m real lucky, hell I could talk for days and days, the things I’ve done and seen, not all pretty, not all by choice, but the culmination of it all is who I am now, and I like me today, so it was definitely all worthwhile.
In any case, lest I get all caught up in it, just a few quickies bring y’all up to speed. But first- Alan, thanks man, glad I called you tonight and yeah, I know it passes, and it wasn’t really that bad. And Stephen, man, I know you say I saved your life that day, maybe I did, but you’ve saved mine dozens of times, just with a phone call. Both of you guys, if you only knew, it’s as simple as a glance sometimes, a smirk, an anecdote, or just a patient ear. K, that’s that, just wanted to say thanks in black and white, or white on green, whatever it is, it is. Oh yeah, Todd, you too man. You help me more then you know, prolly my best friend in those circles these days. Glad you’re back and glad I know ya’. And spring times coming, we’ll be at the Beacon and hopefully Warren will be up there breakin’ strings on his Gibson again!
And in case you was wondering, I’m sitting here singing along to Edie Brickell and Casey Chambers as I write this, just in a mellow mood tonight.
Alright, a few pics, work has been crazy, we re-architected all the back end systems and are testing before we roll it all out in production. Here’s Henry, my boss, at the data center, looking all chill, got that secret agent thing going on. He’s one of the best bosses I’ve ever had, I’ll touch on that one of these days too. But I thrive on this kind of stuff, pressure and getting stuff working against and despite of any obstacles is what I do best. Hmm, isn’t that what sysadmins live for, yeah, it is… So I haven’t been up in the cottage that much, but Todd came over Sunday and we taped.
Here it is partially done, this is all the first coat. And here is the guy who’s a hell of a taper and an even better friend, Todd, yeah, he and I can talk about obscure old rock and roll bands for like hours, man, you know your music! And not just saying you have good taste cuz it’s usually the same as mine.
We finished the first coat, all taped and dry now. Oh yeah, I said I’d get an outside shot , that’s the front view from the driveway. I know, it will get a coat of paint when it gets warmer, an automatic spotlight up above the door, and I’ll have the gable vent in this weekend. And come spring some landscaping to boot. Slow but sure, it’s getting there and it’ll be really nice when it’s done.
We’ve been getting snow every week and it’s hanging around, here’s the yard and all the snow. Yup, that’s a peach truck sticker on my bumper, the brothers are spoken here, and only spoken highly of, which gets me to thinking about Lizard, is hs still around and kicking? That’s another story, one day I’ll show you the art he graced me with, I’ll carry it with me till the day I die.
K, I’m outta here. Going to be a long day at work tomorrow, and then the wake at night will be intense. Lemme try and get a normal amount of Zzzz for a change. Oh yeah, lunch, they got a new sushi chef at my eating place, straight off the boat. They bring me a little taste of some things he whips up that aren’t on the menu yet, kind of like beta testing it I guess. Very good, even the Udon today at lunch was different. The seasoning was more subtle, the flavors played more delicately against and with each other, no one taste overpowering another. Very nice. But in addition, Brian, the sushi man, left to relocate. I miss him, he was a good kid, hell of a sushi man and nice as they come. Oh well, life is about change after all. Here’s the new sushi-guy.
Hmmm, I’m going to sleep, right? Right.
l8r, and case I never told you, thanks for listening (reading).
-Steve
Comments…
Please feel free to leave them after a post.
I have gotten a couple emails from folks saying they felt the “what women should know” and “top ten reasons” posts were kinda negative.
Well, if you know me (not even with an uppercase K) then you know that’s not the case, I mean, are we taking this just a little too seriously ? Hello? Can you chuckle or do you just crack a half smile/grin?
I guess this all goes without saying, as those who do know me did not feel the need to express that. Oh, you ask, how do you email me ? Just ask me in person I guess! Hmmm, OK, tell ya’ what, you can have a new address I just got- steve@fiskfamily.org I check that one every day or so as nobody really knows about it yet.
Aiigghht, gotta go have a last cuppa and get up to the cottage and start taping sheet rock. Oh, did I ever mention I hate taping more then having my fingernail ripped slowly out by the root? Well I do, but it needs to get done…
K, have a day-
Steve
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