Bowlin’
Just got back from moonlight bowling. Hadn’t done that in ages (or at least since the spring, so almost a year I guess). When I was PT’ing at ‘Bucks we used to all go out after work once or twice a month and do it, fun and always good for some laughs. Just surprising how many teeny-boppers are out at one in the morning, hanging at the bowling alley. Guess there’s not much else to do in the winter around here.
So it was like a mini-starbucks reunion. Erica and Lauren and Chris and Lisa and Jim and Paul were there and I brought my boys as weekends that I have Danny I can’t very well leave him alone here with Sam. They played air hockey and bowled a game. It was a nice change from my usual come back home saturday night and work ’till one and then hang in front of this screen for another hour or so and then crash.
Did my usual saturday evening thing earlier with Todd. Damn, number ten lima bean girl was there. So I know all the shite runs me this way and that, and I just figure play it safe and leave it be. But a guy can’t help but wonder. Todd’s cool so I tell him I have this like, crush/attraction kinda thing. And then I can list the 3 million reasons why not to, I have a ton of baggage (or literally four, 2 boys and 2 girls) and I’m old now, right?, and so on and on and on. And I can laugh at myself and he can chuckle too and then I remember it feels good to have someone you can just talk to about anything and not feel like “oh shit, I’m fscked up” or more to the point, nice to have somoene who knows you and accepts you for your f’ed up parts as well as your kinda OK ones.
So that brings me to the other thing. Which is, I am outta the slump I have been in. At last. I’m not glowing as much as I do at times. But I have noticed that people are breaking out in spontaneous smiles around me much more often, those real big makes your whole face radiate good vibes kind of smiles. My smiles themsleves are extra contagious lately and once more I’m feeling good about the world and where I’m at in it. And I truly do believe that’s attractive and makes people feel good as well. Funny how it takes so little to make people forget their troubles for a moment, just a kind look and a caring word. Which remnds me a friend of mine told me recently that I had kind eyes. Damn, I don’t think anyone ever told me that before. I have been accused of having psycho eyes, looks that kill eyes, anything but kind ones. You know who you are man and thanks again…
The other thing I realized, and this is somewhat of a shock. Recently I grabbed a bite with this person. Seen them around casually same places last couple years, exchange a few words now and then, After spending about an hour with them, I come to the conclusion they’re kind of immature. What ? Me thinking that? So I arrive at this, the shocking but undeniable truth. I’m a grown up.
Shit, I mean, I’ve had all the trappings of being a grown up before. Had a wife and an unhappy family once, still have a house and all the headaches and responsibilities that go with that. Had super stressful and taxing jobs and had all kinds of stuff that grown ups are supposed to have. But I never thought like one or considered myself one. And I still may be at times too spontaneous, not cautious enough when I should be, and of course I often find myself saying “damn, I shoulda known that wasn’t the wisest choice, but it seemed like the win-win one at the time”. But now I see that indeed, though I can be irresponsible, but not to excess like I had my whole life previously, I am somewhat growed up. I guess better late then never!
But the good part is I still have fun, I will always have that child like awe and excitement for the simple yet amazing things that make life a trip. I still can giggle and laugh at stupid stuff or better yet at my stupidity. And I still love to lay in a field and look up at the sky and scrunch the grass under my toes with bare feet and just close my eyes and feel alive.
And what I’d really like to do now is close my eyes and go to sleep ! So tired I’m gonna start making tons more then usual typos. So, before I make less sense then usual, I’m gonna go crash. And I’m not gonna think about number ten lima beans and then tomorrow comes and it (which of course we all know is she, not at all an it) is out of my mind and I’m cool until the next time. Aaaaggghhhh, leave it alone, right? Just say yes, leave it alone. Thank you.
K, before I talk to myself anymore, I know fo sho’ it be time to sleep.
‘nite all
Oh yeah, going to go see “Adaptation” tomorrow. Wanting to see that since way before it was out, glad I’m catching it while it’s still playing. Oh, did I say I was gonna talk politics? Maybe tomorrow if I’m not too shot. Alright, nite for real now…
