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01/03/2003: "For The Women"
OK Girls, Here's The Inside Scoop !
Some Things You Should Know About Guys-
* We're not as big of perverts as you think we all are (well some of us are).
* We're not horny all the time like you think we are (well some of us are).
* No matter what you say, your ex-boyfriend is an asshole.
* We like you to give us hugs and kisses sometimes too.
* Don't argue with us when we call you beautiful.
* Don't treat us like crap, what goes around comes around.
* Don't treat us like crap, what goes around comes around.
- Yes, that merits saying twice ...
* We know you're pretty, that's one of the reasons we're going out with you.
* Don't go into detail about your period. It scares us.
-PLEASE, be sure to click the "more" link below, this is only the beginning!
* If you have cramps and we ask you what's wrong, just tell us it's that time of the month and nothing more.
* If you really liked us for us, you would let us think that our mustache, beard, or sideburns looked cool.
* NEVER ask us if you can put make up on us. It's just wrong.
* Don't make bets about us, because one of your friends will tell us, if you don't.
* When we tell you that you're not fat, believe us.
* We absolutely do not care about what any other guy looks like.
* Just cause you think you're always right, doesn't mean that you dont't have to apologize when you do something "wrong".
* You expect us to say and do sweet things for you, but it would be nice if you did the same every once in a while. We like to know that you love us.
* We can't always be spontaneous, so try to help us make the plans sometimes.
* Don't ask us to beat up another guy for you, cause you might just get what you wish for.
* Never kick us in the nuts "just to see what we would say."
* Never pretend like you are going to break up with us and laugh when we believe you.
* Pamela Anderson's boobs aren't fake anymore, but we like yours better anyway.
* PMS is not an excuse.
* If you want us to put the seat down when we're done, you should put it up when you're done.
* And always remember: The way to a guys heart is through his stomach.....and maybe....oh nevermind.
* We know you're not always right, but we'll pretend like you are anyway.
* Don't cut your hair. Ever.
* Which reminds me- your friends will lie to you. Do you honestly think every haircut you have ever gotten looks good ?
* Don't make us guess.
* If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear.
* Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
* He's never thinking about "The Relationship."
* Your cat may indeed be wonderful, but it doesn't warrant your attention in the middle of a heartfelt conversation, nor to be mooned over more then your firstborn child.
* Anything you wear is fine. Really.
* You have enough clothes.
* You have too many shoes.
* Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect us to like it.
* Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and your Dad probably is too.
* Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
* No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar.
* Share the bathroom.
* Share the closet.
* Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
* A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a doctor.
* On the other hand, there is no need to have 9 doctors and 14 scheduled appointments a month.
* Check your oil.
* Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
* Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
* It is neither your interest nor ours to take the quiz together.
* If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys.
* If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
* Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we know how pretty you are?
* Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.
* Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials.
* Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared at.
* When we're turning the wheel and the car is nosing onto the off-ramp, you saying, "This is our exit," is not strictly necessary.
* Don't play mind games with us if you're trying to get us to ask you out. If you do something which makes us think that you're not interested and keep this up for a while, or if you engage in very contradictory behaviors, most of us will just blow you off.
* After we're in a relationship, don't play dumb mind games. These include "Do I look fat?." Also included are things like "Do you think she's attractive?" because we can't win no matter what we say.
* We like you, but that doesn't mean that we have to spend every waking moment with you. This goes double if we have something else very major going on like graduate school or a major rollout at work.
* We like to receive odd little gifts and stuff too.
* Sometimes we like to be the recipient of a romantic evening or romantic outing. It gets old if we're always initiating.
* You won't change us. If a guy is an asshole, he will remain an asshole. If he's a nice guy, he will tend to remain one unless you somehow manage to convince him that women prefer assholes.
* We like to be hugged and kissed too. Women don't have a monopoly on this.
* Realize that it is human nature to look at members of the opposite sex. You do it too, and you know it, so don't get mad at us for doing the same.
* Guys like sex. However, we don't like it when you sleep with us too soon. Sure, we like it at the time, but then we start to wonder how many other guys you've slept with.
* Contrary to contemporary belief, some guys -- if you like guys who put some emotion other than lust behind things -- actually like it if you don't have sex with them until you're in a long-term relationship of some type. What kind of guy you're dealing with should be apparent pretty quickly in a relationship. This doesn't necessarily mean that they want you to be a virgin until marriage, but this kind of guy does prefer if you're not that experienced. (You'll get enough experience with each other later anyway, and neither party is sitting there comparing the other to past partners.)
* Just because a guy doesn't give you a look like he wants to jump your bones and asks you out doesn't mean that he isn't interested.
Next To Last But Important-
* Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
And last but VERY Important-
You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you want it done -- not both.
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